Thanks for stopping by DO (delightfully Unorthodox). Happy to host you. The next few minutes will offer an escape from brainless routines. Pay close attention to each point for its significance is inevitable.
Good feedback was given for the last article. As always, your point of view is important as it helps confirm on relevance of content shared as well as growth both for the blog and you, the reader. Reason for the existence of ‘do’ is to Educate and Entertain with the aim of a better understanding of self awareness.
The title in a nutshell, indulges on a sensitive part of the human life that is marriage. Growing up, we are taught that the four main stages of our lives are birth, youth, marriage and death. Of course this has now changed, as man has over the years redefined life stages. A popular theory is Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. It basically breaks down the stages of human needs that change with the shift in priorities. Marriage is this respect comes in after the second stage that is safety, the first being physiological needs such as air, food, water, sex and sleep. After having achieved the first two stages, marriage takes up as third to fulfill the need of love/ sense of belonging.
A good number of us are misinformed about what it takes for a successful marriage where divorce is not an option. I know what you’re thinking, it’s so last century to stay in an unhappy marriage. I don’t doubt it. But hear me out, what if you were better schooled at what it takes going into a life time commitment… a vague idea or rather marking scheme for this test of life? That would be awesome right? Not quite. It’s the ups and downs of the journey that make the victory worth while.. ahh the sweet taste of victory! For this article, I will share with you facts that will better prepare you for a life free of divorce! Well that is assuming you do get married or already are.
Lets get into it
- Your growth is your responsibility
I picked this as number one because it is the most common unknown of the list. If you walk into marriage as an incomplete person you will still have a sense of lacking after the unraveling of twenty years into it. It is your responsibility to motivate yourself to get back into school and finally earn that extra degree. The important ambush you’ve been postponing on, to get your boss to sign off on your raise or the promotion you believe to have worked hard to earn, is yours for the taking. No wife’s nagging in the background is going to make this easier or more worth it. Only you stand between yourself and the strong sense of fulfillment.
2. Love is not just a feeling but rather a choice
Times will get really hard and soon the honeymoon fades into a nebulous memory. Her sweet smile will be replaced with cranky and petty behavior during the period of expectancy, if you’re lucky… if not then your place next to hers in bed will be replaced by a young man who will now hold her heart. Her sensual perfume replaced by the stinky smell of breast milk that escaped her nipples in her sleep. He will sulk like a baby when he doesn’t get his way. He’ll pick fights about disposing his favourite old stinky socks… He will get so irritating, she will become very nagging. And in those moments, you will realise that it is up to you to decide no whether to stay in love or make a run for it!
3. Not everyone will be for you
Especially the people not already in a marriage union, will not understand why you claim to have to leave the ‘hang’ early or even be a no show on most days, to stay home and kick it with the fam. They won’t understand why you can’t make the girl’s trip this year because you’d rather put that money towards your saving for a home with a compound allowance for the kids to run around in. Some will feign how happy they are you are getting married but will tire with time, causing your friendship to suffer. What you need to be prepared for is the subtraction of past friendships and embrace a new chapter of a more supportive unit that will aid your evolution into the new phase.
4. Men are from Venus & Women from Mars
One of the most ludicrous thing would be the presumption that man and woman can be equal. They do not communicate the same. They do not arrive at solutions in the same manner. They do not even receive love the same way! A man’s idea of a woman who loves him is one that respects, honors and serves his needs. Now that is love to a man. A woman on the other hand will construe love as getting attention, conversation, security and emotional touch from her better half. Now that is love to a woman.
5. Man was not made for woman. But rather woman was made for the man.
I will let that sentence sink in for a while. Please take note of the statement ‘the man’ not just any but ‘the one’.
My dear beautiful woman. That long list of prince charming endowments is a pure waste of time. It is not up to you to decide your ideal man. If you are not yet convinced, I invite you to try all forms of trickery to squirm your way into a man’s life. He will not budge. You will be miserable and he will leave… Eventually. Such is the reason ten years of your life waste away with a man that will not as much as acknowledge you as his woman, only to get engaged six months into the next relationship… married with a first born in eighteen months. Piece of advice, stop trying to fit a square block into a circled space.
I will divulge deeper into this one upon public demand.
6. Communication is key
This is arguably the second most important point for this list. In a previous article, you were faced with the challenge to communicate more clearly. The fact that this comes up yet again should show its significance. In this instance, allow me to elaborate.
Some men will walk into marriage with the expectation that their lover will replace his mother’s place. Some woman will expect their husbands to be their new daddy (pun intended). So what do we end up with? Two children in marriage. It gets even worse if they decide to bare kids because now we have a circus and no handler!
Communicate on your expectations from the union. Speak finances. Tackle and share responsibilities. Speak extended families and agree on boundaries. Number of children is very important to help plan your lives to somehow make it all work. Woman – please note you will have to grow into nurturing your family. Man – learn on cultivating your family into a team for you are the head and the woman, your neck.
7. Ignorance is not bliss. Marriage takes a lot of hard work
Two different personalities with independent purposes in life will have to merge. You will have to take turns in being each other’s cheerleader. You will have to be open to testing new remedies to spice up and keep the romance extant. Time, a lot of effort and compromise will be needed for it to work. So drop that ‘me’ mind-set getting into marriage and practice replacing the ‘m’ with ‘w’.
Ever noticed how the two words; me and we share first letters with ‘man’ and ‘woman’? Interesting, don’t you think?
8. It is Not about you.
You will have to unlearn selfish ways. You love spicy foods? Well you might Wanna consider toning it down. Definitely drop that hot shot lawyer attitude when going into arguments, its not about winning anymore but rather about solving the issue at hand. Please think twice next time you wanna splurge on an expensive sports car or latest designer wear. There is no such thing as mine in marriage. Only ours. Any upright person will double check when in the care of what is not theirs.
Thank you for reading this far, I sincerely hope that this was educative and fun. If you have points that you feel should have made the list, pop them down below on the comments section and keep the conversation going
Don’t forget to share with that person you know needs to see this!