Thanks for stopping by DO (delightfully Unorthodox). Happy to host you. The next few minutes will offer an escape from brainless routines. Pay close attention to each point for its significance is inevitable.
This topic is a common problem in the dating life. You meet a guy and hit it off, go out on dates, follow up texts are exchanged back and forth maybe you even take things to the next level… everything seems great then literally as if he died, you never hear from him again! Or just as bad but not as dramatic, he starts to do ‘The Fade Out’. You know, the good morning poems turn into one word replies and goodnight calls reduce, the invites for dates scale down to once a couple of weeks, you view posts on his pal’s timeline about an awesome night out, sometimes even other girls you do not recognize in them ~he’s suddenly not updating his online status but then forgets to send the memo to his pals~ (slaps forehead). Then finally, crickets… you have probably pulled this one on guys yourself!
Now a reality in the twenty first dating century, where due diligence of officially cutting off romantic ties is now a rumor. It is so frustrating and heart-breaking when you were already deeply invested in the relationship. It scares you into begging him to come back. You even call the girls over for some wine, to have a discussion and arrive at a reason why this is happening to you even though you are a great catch. But after the girls leave and you are left with your bestie, you fall into a pool of tears asking ‘why does this happen to me?’ It’s quite a bummer! And all the obsessing on evidence left torments your mind, making it even worse. Well he is the only one that can ever answer that. But since he didn’t stick around to shed some light to the situation, I will attempt to give some potential reasons to answer the ‘why’ in the hopes to give you some closure and in the process, teach you how the male mind works.
Yea quite an unfortunate event for him. But still could be a possibility that he chocked while yawning and dropped down dead since his pals that were around at the time, couldn’t decide who was ready to risk sucking face with a male… even if it meant giving the kiss of life. So before jumping into conclusions, please first establish proof of life. Otherwise if he’s blue ticking you or low key stalking your time line every other day, he is very much alive.
And now that we got that out of the way, let’s get into it, shall we?
1. Lowering your Standards
I know when you meet a guy who you connect with on a deeper level, seems nice, is well established and into you, the norm is you’ll start saying yes and compromising more often. But in a bid to please him, you lose the standards you held importantly and allow the relationship to exist on his terms. In your mind, this will make him stay. While in reality its reverse. The thrill of the chase is what keeps him hooked and feeding off what you are serving in your palm. If he randomly calls asking to hang out, ask him to take a rain check. You have other stuff to donate your attention to, now don’t you?
2. You lost the Race. To another Party.
Chances are he was sampling his time with different girls and one out shined the rest of you, laying claim to her place as top candidate. Think of it as a client that is in the market to bring aboard a new supplier. He goes into the market in search of the top three bidders and proceeds to request for proposals from all three. Best packaged goods that fit his budget will win the tender as having proven to be the most suitable among st the options presented. Thereby, the newly satisfied client no longer needs further assistance from first and second runners up. Get it now? Sucks to lose, but what you need to do is pucker up and make necessary updates, to ensure next time you stand out from the crowd.
3. Emotional coward
In most instances, the man will fall in love first in the relationship. Generally, men don’t know how to deal with all these strong emotions and so it scares him away. Literally. Don’t blame him, it’s actually a natural instinct for men. You’re probably thinking ‘what?!’ Yes, it’s actually a thing. Expressing emotions doesn’t come natural to a guy. So when faced with such a situation, he’d rather not deal with it. Will he be back? Probably. Are you to wait for him to figure his feelings out? Well that’s up to you my dear.
4. You bruised his ego by being too strong
A beautiful woman is not about having the best fixed makeup, colossal behind and perky bosom. This is all superficial. Beauty to a man is associated to femininity. A woman that is warm, exudes grace, is soft spoken and has charm is much more attractive. Being independent is great but don’t fight him when he’s trying to pick up the check or help carry groceries. Before calling a mechanic to check your car try asking for his help first. Let him be the man. Because he might not say it but men want to feel needed. So even while you are dating he is trying to figure out his place in your life. If he see’s no vacancy then beats logic why he would stay.
5. High maintenance women
There is nothing wrong with being high maintenance. Just as long as you can afford the expensive things in life you desire. If not then that makes you a money grabber. Forcing him to buy you an expensive lifestyle is very unattractive. His ability to provide is very important to him. Might not show it, but he works really hard to earn his money. So you bleeding him dry makes him feel your intentions are not bona fide. Worse is he’s almost sure he’ll lose you if he loses the coin. Therefore he’d rather drop you and keep the dough than lose both altogether.
I must say, it makes much more sense anyway.
6. You choose unavailable men
Men will often communicate exactly what they want. If he is interested in a friends with benefits set up, understand he’s not looking to settle down and start sending flowers and chocolate to your office. If he is young and still trying to figure his life out, he is probably dating as a sport for the quick and easy lay. If he is married, his priority is his family and you are simply his current distraction from whatever is going on back at home. Thinking you could somehow change his mind was a bit of a stretch… truth be told, sometimes, very seldom he will come around and commit. But in this instance, if he went mute then it was never going to happen. Move on sister.
7. Your life stopped growing
I hear this all the time from guys. She stopped trying to look good… she’s not even doing her hair and nails as much so most of the time they just look grisly. She stopped putting up new stuff on her blog. Losing the fire that attracted him to you in the first place is a sure way to lose his interest. Putting your life on hold to please him was a put off since you stopped being the amazing personality he fell for and traded for an ordinary Mary who is available to him 24/7.
Oh and to the Marys reading this, you’re no ordinary person, you an absolute gem to the world!
8. Respect for his friendships
Ever heard of the saying ‘bros before hoes?’ (Excuse my French) Yes you are prettier and smell nicer and can actually cook but understand that you came after his boys. They stuck with him through the laughter and cries. They were there for him before you existed in his life. You know not what they mean to him so trying to wage war on his second family was the beginning of your downfall. He is sure they will stick by no matter what. Can he say the same for you? Well that’s debatable.
9. He gave up on you because you showed no interest
In the beginning, it is okay to be indifferent to him since he’s doing the chasing, making it his responsibility to woo you into donating your attention. But as time goes and you develop interest in him he will need a bit of reassurance that you feel something for him. You can text or call him first. Tell him you are attracted to him, flirt with him…something! By prolonging a cold attitude towards him, you communicated that he should stop trying to pursue your hand and move on. And that is exactly what he did. There is a difference in playing hard to get and being hard to get. Task yourself in uncovering what both mean.
Thank you for reading this far, I sincerely hope that this was educative and fun. If you have points that you feel should have made the list, pop them down below on the comments section and keep the conversation going
Next week will be a list of remedies for each point so be sure to look out for that one.
Don’t forget to share with that person you know needs to see this!