Thanks for joining the ‘do’ community, happy to have you here.
My last article on how to help ladies attract the guy they desire was met with a lot of requests to do a male version, to help the brothers stop pursuing all the wrong women in the hope to find one that is for keeps. Say no more…
It is easy to assume competences on basic social interactions are well mastered by today’s man, but it is a sad reality that many of us are not offered guidance on how to get by successful relations especially with the opposite sex. The man is only taught to be tough and show no emotion as it is seen as a sign of weakness. This doesn’t mean he does not feel. Only he has to ‘take it like a man’ and not complain. He is also told that he is the provider, but never trained on entrepreneurial skills. Again, he is frustrated with the feeling of inadequacy. I believe there is a lot to be done to repair the damage that has been compassed in the recent past, if today’s man is to be well rounded and built with confidence to conquer his kingdom. Yes I said it, the throne is only hindered by what you choose to see as limitations!
I recently did a piece titled ‘The Art of texting’ which by the way if you haven’t read yet, is a must read. Many guys are already benefiting from the tips they picked up, on what they were doing wrong before. It is surprising to realize how clueless they were on why they never get responses from their crush! I recommend you check the piece out.
MCM ~ This segment will feature topics relating to today’s man. Enjoy
First off, the heading is untrue because perfect does not exist. Evolving is a more realistic phrase. You are a human becoming. To think you are perfect as you are now would be tragic because that would mean you stop developing, you stop seeking to be more. You can only be a better version of yourself today than you were the same time last year. In this piece, I will give pointers on how to be a better you by utilizing what you already have (may not seem like it, but you have a lot more than you give yourself credit for). I will challenge you to take a step towards a better and happier life full of possibilities, even a soulmate. I often hear women are confusing creatures, so I will help simplify things for a brother. By now you are probably wondering, how the hell a girl would teach a man anything about being a man… well I would too. I am not claiming to have all the right answers, but over the recent years, I have picked up on a lot living and interacting with men. Researching about guys also helped understand their point of view better. Perhaps a bit of history will clarify my implication… A dive into my past if you may.
I come from a family of five children, three girls and two boys. We lost the eldest daughter to a tragic car accident on her way back to school. God rest her beautiful soul. The following year, my mom took her final breath on a hospital bed right before she was scheduled to go in for surgery. Very difficult time for my ‘perfect’ family but we somehow survived it. My other sister was shipped off to boarding school early, so I grew up mostly around three men…my dad and two brothers. One older and our last born (he’s low key my favorite). I picked up a lot from the three, learning how men operate. And not just out there when they are masking their true nature, but the real on how men think and relate to each other. My findings on some of their characteristics;
- Men are simple creatures – In the way they think, communicate and operate.
- Men are always looking for solutions, even when you haven’t asked for one! Kind of makes them bad listeners. Lol
- Food, sleep, peace of mind – Three most important things to a man in his home. Mess these up and he’ll be thrown off.
- Men only open up to safe receptors – They will keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves to avoid an argument.
- When a man loves, he’ll best display it through actions more than words. He will go to lengths to please his partner, lengths he’d be embarrassed to admit to his best bud.
- Power of focus – He will give full priority only to what he see’s as most important to him, especially if he sees potential in it paying off. I know this because as much as men have this silly notion that they can’t be faithful to one person, it is apocryphal. Multi tasking is not your stronghold, hence divided attention is easy to pick up by your spouse. So leave multi tasking to females, now will you?
7. Men are emotional creatures, more than they’d be comfortable to admit. They want attention and show of affection from those they care for.
Having had a front row seat on men’s behavioral instincts, I developed an interest to understand why they operate the way they do. Why they react to different situations the same as the next man would. Believe me, having two young men coexist with a much older traditional bloke meant there was a lot of testosterone in the house… way more than a young girl could deal. So learning their ways, becoming one of them was the only way I was to remain sane. As a result, I relate better to men as compared to women. Not that I choose to, I just do. I love that they don’t take everything you say too seriously and can often have a good laugh and be silly. Not saying that females can’t, just easier with men.
Becoming the best possible version of yourself is a process. You need to know that it is okay if you’re not able to afford the house you want to now. It is okay that you are petrified at the idea of speaking in public, so you are unlikely to contribute midst the office meeting for fear of embarrassing yourself. It is okay you are not able to stroll over to her and start a conversation because you know you’re not that charming. It’s okay you’re not that good at texting… actually no that’s not okay anymore. I did a piece on ‘the Art of Texting’ to help create a better texting experience.
Let’s get started, shall we?
Anything that is good either takes care of itself or is taken care of and in most cases, both. If you want what is good, you need to match it’s standards. Grooming is mostly associated to getting a clean hair cut and dressing up, but did you know that the word is defined as ‘to prepare or train someone or an animal for a particular purpose or activity’? So it doesn’t just stop with your appearance, it can be practicing effective speech ahead of your client meetings, researching on traits you can pick up to be the most charming person in a social setting, mini stalking her online profiles before sending her a DM to have an idea what topics she would be interested in, the list is endless. You are reading this because you want to trade your current for a better option.. So you want a good looking girl that dresses well and speaks eloquently, has a gentle heart and smiles easily? Match that. You want a better paying job that has more flexible working hours and allows you to express your creativity? Improve your skill-set to become a master in the field. Train yourself on how to better manage your time. Best way to start your day is by first working on what is urgent followed by what is important and the rest after. This way your day is more productive and you will meet deadlines. Another one is to stop browsing through content all the time. You’d be shocked at how much time is wasted looking through news feed and useless information. Back to the girl mentioned above – she takes time to groom herself and pick out outfits that best compliment her body. Match it by taking a shower daily without fail and pick your outfits deliberately. You should be able to grace any occasion that may arise in the outfit you picked for the day. If not then that is not good enough. Ever heard the saying, you would rather be prepared and lack an opportunity than to have an opportunity and not be prepared? Let’s talk a bit about showering at least once a day. Some men, (shockingly) assume that they only need to bathe a couple times a week. That only women shower everyday. We shower everyday to rid ourselves of bacteria that exist naturally in our bodies and immediate environ. Leaving it uncleared allows it to regenerate and multiply, causing infections and bad odors. The same is the main cause of bad breath which, several ladies I have talked to have had encounters with (sadly). It’s worse if you smoke cigarettes! Please invest in a special toothpaste for smokers and mouth wash that helps clean corners of your mouth a normal toothbrush wouldn’t. (wow that’s a good marketing line. lol) Floss is great too especially for the brothers that particularly enjoy indulging in the nyama choma hook-ups with the boys, clears out the meat that gets stuck between your teeth. If you are already practicing all these but still can’t seem to rid yourself of the bad breath, then I advise seeing a dentist. You may have cavities or worse, that require medical attention. What am I saying guys? I can’t stress enough on good grooming and how it will affect your long-term success. Change for the better starts with the small details that you overlook. Stop approaching women while reeking of yesterday’s beer and nyama. Because let’s face it, how are you going to take care of a woman or run multi billion company when you lack the discipline of attending to basic grooming? Impossible! Get rid of that rude attitude and deal with your issues to become a happier person. Most men miss this, but it is important to smile when introducing yourself. Also, relax your face muscles to a calm state when in a social setting. Some of you brothers look so tense all the time you would think they are wearing Jesus’ thorny crown! Bonus is, girls love it when you smile. Small details can tell a lot about your character. That is what corporate look for in a leader and the same goes for a potential life partner.
I find it rather surprising when a man is shy or unsure of himself. To me, it shows he is unaware of his capabilities. You are built in a bigger, stronger and faster package. Your instinct on taking risks is natural. And then there is the uniqueness that is you. Not one person in the universe can be a better version of you. No one. You were built to conquer and rule. I realize that we are not all tall, strong and fast with the deepest voice but that does not mean you deserve less. So take on every day as if you have nothing to lose. Because not trying is failing without ever having had a chance at winning. Here is an idea on how to employ confidence in your life.
- Women – Walk over to her, smile genuinely and introduce yourself. Push all the what if voices to the back of your mind. Remember, you are the master of your mind and body and not vice versa. Be respectful by greeting everyone in her company, repeating your name every time you move on to the next person (people often forget your name the minute you finish saying it. Don’t be petty by taking it personally, you are reminding everyone you told before. Shows you pay individual attention as if they were special. Also, you don’t know how close they are to your crush so don’t mess your chance with her before you even had the chance. Finally, the future remains a mystery, so your crush today may be the maid of honour at your wedding with the third girl you are now introducing yourself to). Return your attention to your crush. Pay a compliment (girls love compliments) but let it be a genuine compliment and explain why you came over. Something like ‘You have a nice smile, thought I’d come over and let you know you look lovely.’ Keep it simple, nothing too corny or you may come off as a fake. Maintain eye contact while saying this, as if nothing else in the room matters to you at this moment. Wait for her reaction… if she smiles, you’re allowed to then ask if you can talk to her for a bit. If the answer is yes congratulations she is officially interested. That or she wants you to introduce her to your pal she fancies back at your table so don’t get ahead of yourself. If she says no, accept it and thank her for her time. Leave an open invitation in case she changes her mind and wish them all a good evening before leaving immediately.
- Dating and Money
In today’s dating world, you’re at risk of losing a lot of dough if you’re not astute about dating. Yes, it is great to lose your mind, body and soul when in love, but the aftermath is not. I do not mean be stingy, just that you are canny on your spending for dates and gifting your new flame. Especially if it is putting a strain on your finances. First dates don’t have to be in the most extravagant restaurants to show you’re interested. In fact, nowhere is it written first dates must be in a restaurant. Women follow what you show them, so if you splurge on champagne on the first night out together, she’ll expect that every time you’re out on the rave because she now knows you can. Want to attract someone who is not after selfish gain, offer only the plain you. It’s nice to pay for her Uber home, especially if you kept her out late or even better, drop her home in your ride. Otherwise, avoid the late-night meet ups and always ask how she’s getting home while planning for the date. In your twenties, you are supposed to use your disposable income to reinvest in projects that offer a decent ROI. Don’t squander your earnings on a lavish lifestyle and fuel guzzlers that you will struggle to settle their maintenance expenses, let alone insurance. If you missed this in your twenties and are now in your thirties and forties, not to worry you can still turn around your financial standing. Make an appointment with a finance specialist to help design an investment plan that suits your short term and long terms goals. Maintain a record of your spending habits to account for every coin and adjust them to spend less on wants than needs. Financial intelligence begins with investing on appreciating assets. Cars and electronics do not fall under these categories, they depreciate at an exceedingly rate. Another one is to have a fixed deposit savings account that attracts interest. This will come in handy for emergencies or future family. Notice that women are smarter with their money and plan for their expenses. Very rarely will she splurge on a gift especially when dating, she will save such occasions for her husband. Something you can learn perhaps.
Growing up around three men, we never talked about our feelings. My dad only told us he loved us when he was drunk. It is a general observation that men are not taught how to communicate with each other or with the opposite sex. It is considered a taboo to express emotion or admit vulnerability. I remember witnessing my father hit depression after losing a daughter and a wife. His first instinct was to withdraw from us, his surviving children and his immediate family. Later on, he became an alcoholic I assume to deal with his heartbreak. It is difficult to accept as a man that you have a soft side that can get hurt but you do and it only confirms that you are human. Effective communication will mean success of a relationship and at work. Speak up when you feel exploited or undervalued as opposed to withdrawing into your shell. Some keys notes on sharpening your communication skills;
- Listen without giving solutions until when requested – Sometimes when someone confides in you they only need to release what is bothering them.
- Learn to keep your word – If you do not mean it, do not say it. This will help build a rapport with your clients and better half. They will trust you.
- Being emphatic – put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand and share their feelings. Being stubborn about your point of view only extends the misunderstanding
- Understand and manage your pressure points – losing your temper only gives the opponent an upper hand as you are unable to think straight and assess the situation. Nothing can be solved when the other person is angry either, so just take a break to allow them to cool off.
- Be clear and succinct – If you like her, say it. If you are not interested, make it clear. Hints and assumptions are a waste of time and are immature so to confirm you are both on the same page, say it like it is. If you can’t afford something state exactly that. Lying about your financial standing only makes you look bad as you will soon run out of excuses.
- Confide as a way of release – Talk to someone you trust about what you are going through. otherwise, seek professional support to deal with your issues. Drugs and sex only extend your suffering and leave you feeling empty and depressed.
~In dating, you attract what you are; In a relationship, the treatment you receive is a translation of what you have communicated as standards; In your career, if you want more, you have to become more; And with family, take care of them and they will have your back~
Thank you for reading this far, I sincerely hope that this was educative and fun. I will put a pause on the topic for now to avoid this piece being too long and time consuming. However, this is only the start of a series so look out for a continuation.
If you have points that you feel should have made the list, pop them down below on the comment section and keep the conversation going.
Don’t forget to share with that person you know needs to see this!