Thanks for stopping by ‘DO’. Happy to have you join.
This is a continuation of the piece titled ‘Becoming a Perfect Man’. A quick recap of the previous points; Grooming, Confidence, Dating & Money, Communication. Each was covered in the previous piece, if you haven’t read that yet I recommend you read it. This will make more sense because I will be making reference.
If you look at the world as it is right now, its like the man is constantly at war to defend his honor. He is not confident in himself anymore. He does not feel needed by the 21st century woman that is independent and “doesn’t need him“. How many times have you heard a woman say this words “I don’t need a man to buy me a car or a house. I can get my own“? You even lost count, right? This has taken a toll on your masculinity. As if you do not have a social role anymore. Well just as mentioned in part one of this article, my assignment is clear. To restore hope to the man. This is why I have come up with a part II of this series.
It is clear that there is confusion in the world today. You see it everywhere. The woman, now more than ever, is empowered socially and economically. Meanwhile, the man’s significance is belittled and sometimes even over looked. Well a big part of problem has been contributed by the absence of fathers from their families to pass down manly values. To mold respectable adult male figures from youthful boys. As the title suggests, the following points are qualities that make up what a male man is.
Pay close attention to each point, for its significance is inevitable.
- Must not have an identity crisis
A man has been taught that he is the head of the family. That has been perceived as the lead or the top. But the truth is he is the key to a functioning family. He carries the seed in which the family exists. He holds the family. A man is the foundation of a family. And just like any building that lacks a good foundation, a man lacking clarity in his identity that is his foundation, will bring down his family. If you look at the fundamentals of a man, he is a simple being. This helps provide a sense of stability to a family. To a community and to a nation. That is why taking away his identity creates confusion, that is now being experienced in our world.
How do I find my identity? It begins with understanding what separates a boy from a man. The first and most important part that makes a man is his finding his way back to his creator. The right environment in which he best thrives. You can take a fish out of water, it might not die immediately but it won’t survive for long either. Therefore, it is important that you seek your environment in which you function at optimal. You are made in God’s image. In his own likeness. That means your capabilities just as you are, are of a greatness that supersedes even this planet. You do not believe me? Just take a look at a man like Elon Musk, Founder and CEO of SpaceX whose ambition is now directed to colonizing Mars. He is an ordinary man just like you. Only he understands the power of the man’s mind and uses it in an extra ordinary way.
So before you believe all the trash talk about how you are worthless and how you can’t do this and that, revisit the current list of top 10 richest people in the world. It’s all men. What they all have in common, they all found their gift in life and stuck to it. They do not suffer from an identity crisis. They are clear on who they are and won’t let anyone convince them otherwise. While you wallow in defeat and depression, strides are made each passing minute. rerouting back to your creator and learning His great word will help you get in touch with your inner spirit and appreciate the great man that you have locked up inside you.
Having a woman does not make you a man. Work makes you a man. Work is more important to a man than a woman is. If this was untrue, Adam’s first assignment from God would have been to find a partner in a woman. But it wasn’t. For anything to thrive, it must first exist in the right environment. That is why God created water before the fish. Eden before Adam. Adam’s first assignment was to work. Every man seeks to be significant. A feeling of being important. What is now called respect. That is why you can have the fairest woman of them all, the smartest kids and all the money in the world but still be unhappy. Not having a sense of significance, a gift that you cannot be fired from, will have you feeling unfulfilled. Have a look at the world famous footballer, Christiano Ronaldo… no one can ever fire him from his gift of being a footballer. Tiger Woods who suffered an injury and critics were certain he would never recover… Boy did he prove them wrong! The same principle applies to you. Even before rushing to secure a date with that lovely creature you fancy, seek what is more important. Work.
Work to fulfill your gift and become a master in it. There after, you will not have to chase women. Women will fall at your feet.
- Understand your fundamentals
Men speak what they are thinking not what they are feeling. Women speak what they are feeling, not what they are thinking. A big part of your life will be the woman. So you best know how this complicated creature operates. This will also guide to identify on what you are not supposed to be involved in. Like an argument with a woman. A man does not argue with a woman. He holds discussions to arrive at solutions. Women talk (argue) to release their emotions and be heard. This is why you should not always try to give a woman solutions when she’s opening up about her problems. Just listen.
Women gossip as way of bonding. It is not in any way meant to help or brainstorm to come to a solution. A man that gossips, acts contrary to his natural behavior. It is unnatural of a man to gossip. Dear man, only hold discussions that have a purposeful conclusion. Gossip in this case, does not fit the bill.
The word father holds great weight. Men will call themselves a father while being completely unaware of the meaning of this title. A man deserving of this title must have the following qualities;
- Leader – I have done a piece on how to be a leader. It shares great insight on the qualities of a true leader. Be sure to check it out.
- Depict God’s image
The word father is derived from the Hebrew word ‘Abba‘ which means source. This is perhaps the most important fact for a man to know. Because he will then understand why he is built in the body he is. A man’s brain capacity is no bigger than a woman. Only his skeletal composition is bigger. So you can rule out being more intelligent. In stead, you are built in a bigger, faster, stronger body for the purpose of being resourceful. If your woman leaves you lying in front of a TV watching series all day while she goes off to toil, you are no different than a bird that does not fly. Unfulfilling of it’s purpose. A father provides for his family.
A Bible verse men often like to recite to excuse their careless loose behavior is, “God said multiply and fill the earth” It is okay if you have used this line before today. But after reading this, you should now understand it’s meaning. This verse is largely misunderstood. To multiply and fill the earth does not mean go have sex with multiple women and bare countless children that you are unable to feed. This verse gave instruction to manage and grow the earth, baring children as part of the assignment. Not the only assignment. The earth provides air for you breath. The food which you eat comes from the earth. Even the roads which you drive your car on, are held in place by the earth. Without the earth, you would not exist. What have you done to give back to the earth? In case your answer is ‘nothing’ then you are not heading to the instruction to multiply and fill the earth.
Looking back at the beginning, instruction and the laws of the land were given to the male man. It is then their responsibility to teach the female man and his children. I can imagine this is why the serpent did not choose to tempt Adam. He knew Adam was all knowing of God’s instruction. I am sad to admit this but today, it is very hard to find a male man that knows more about the word of God than his female counterpart. The same man however, knows everything sports related! Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with knowing your sport. But this information won’t instill life skills in your children. How much do you know even know about the laws that govern your land, that is the current constitution? As a father, it is your responsibility to teach your woman and children. To give instruction and provide clarity with the right information.
A woman that seems to be having her life and career on track should not in any way intimidate you. On the contrary, you should be attracted to an independent woman that is smart and successful. It is this breed of women that come equipped with skills to help you evolve into a better man. A woman that lacks ambition and wits will only slow down your progress. I know what you’ll say, “But today’s’ independent woman will attack and tear down any man that is interested in her. Use her tongue to hurl insults. Look down on her male counterpart. crush his ego” And my response is – any woman foolish enough to believe she can exist by herself is not wise. Get far away from her.
A father will instigate the growth of those closest to him, building them up into a more mature version. A better product than was before. He will not attack at what he sees as competition, because he feels intimidated. Instead, he understands his responsibility in developing that which is put under his care.
No one knows everything, no one knows nothing.
A father’s love and care will sustain his family through good and bad. Many of today’s social problems can be traced back to a father’s absence from the family. His priorities have shifted, he barely gives attention to his family. Where he was meant to provide strength is left unmanned. Until finally, it comes crushing down. Where he was meant to protect is left unguarded. Until finally, it is vulnerable to his enemies’ attacks. As much as a father needs to go out to bring home the bacon, your presence in the family is invaluable.
A few weeks ago, I was fiddling with our main gate’s lock, trying to let myself in. This is not usual, because normally I maneuver the lock with ease. When the lock finally gave in, I walked in to find my father stood in a defensive form watching to see who would come in. His body relaxed at the sight of me walking in. His stern expression softened into a smile. He however asked’ “Why did it take a while for you to open the lock?” In answer, I said I was distracted because I was looking over my shoulder. It felt like I was being followed. He laughed and said “While I am here!” His message was clear. No harm can come to you while I am present. I will always protect you.
To the fathers guilty of spoiling their daughters silly, giving in to every of their demands. There is no wrong in wanting to make your child happy. But remember to balance rewards with discipline. Those under your care must understand that no bad goes unpunished. They will need this discipline when they join the society. It will help them get along with their peers. Other parents will want to have them around their children. They will easily network and maintain good relations and earn promotions in life. Telling them they are special and they can have anything they want in the world is a great in justice. In stead, discipline them to understand the good things in life are not given, but rather earned. That they are no special than the next person. Because children that grow up believing they are special will have a hard time when they go out into the real world and not have things fall on their lap.
If you look at how creation of the world came to be, there was a series of sequence followed to bring about life and growth. An environment was first created and its sustainability stabilized before a living organism was put in it. Water first, then came the fish. Land, air and gravitational force first, then came the animals. Before asking for a woman’s hand in marriage, a father will first create the environment in which she can exist. Before babies, a father will create an environment in which his family will live in. He is the source in which his family will live and thrive in. He is the foundation of a family. The stability in which it is sustained in. A father is the teacher who will pass on teachings of the existing law to his family. He is the source of strength and security.
All these characteristics, you already have within you. Dear father, rise up and take your rightful place. We need you.
Thanks for reading this far. I sincerely hope this was educative and fun. I will pause to avoid this piece becoming too long… Part three will cover three key areas that affect today’s male man and how he can cope;
- The twenty first century woman,
Be sure to look out for this one!
I am curious to know, which of the points are you most familiar with? Which one will you need to improve on practice? Any more points you feel should have made the list? Pop your comments down below and keep the conversation going.
As always, don’t forget to share with that one person you know needs to see this!