How to Flirt

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Him: Hi

Me: Thinks, “Urgh! Another boring text” then replies with subtle “Hello”

Him: How are you doing?

Me: Thinks, “Omg another boring follow up! But lets just be patient, maybe this will get interesting. But probably not” then replies with “I’m great! Thanks. What about you?”

At this point, you can already tell that this is a classic case of average texting. I lost interest from the go. Flirting is in many ways like sales. In one case, you are selling a product or service while in the other, you are selling you. A bad flirt will probably make a bad sales person and vice versa. The topic suggests that this article is about flirting, but if you are keen on the points I will share, you will also learn a bit of charisma…who am I kidding! A lot of charisma that you can also employ into your sales life.

If you are an introvert, like me, you find public interactions with strangers uncomfortable. Worry not because these also apply to you. More often than not, we stick to traditional methods to meet new people. Bars, social circle, church, weddings and funerals. If you want to change the cycle of dating the same type of people and meet someone you are compatible with and have really easy chemistry, you will have to step out of your comfort zone and explore new waters. It will not be easy, but I guarantee you, it will be worth it. You see, life is a game of seduction. The people that succeed in this game have mastered the art of seducing life into giving them what they want.

Here are a few ideas of places you can meet someone new that you will have easy chemistry with. Meeting them is the easy part. You will need to know how to spark up a conversation and keep them interested.

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  1. An activity or event free of romantic interest 

A good one would be to pick up a new hobby that you can take part in. Could be the gym or volunteer group. There are many groups coming up that dedicate their time and material resources into helping other people. People in these groups are compassionate and giving human beings. It is a great way to meet a kind soul you could possibly woe into a romantic relationship. The gym and outdoor workout events are a great way to meet people that conscious about their appearance and general health. If this is an interest you also have, then great! You already have a common interest. Disclaimer on the gym though, I personally hate when I am at the gym and someone walks up to me and starts chatting me up. It interrupts my sets and wastes time I allocated for my workouts. Usually, I’ll just ask them to excuse me or just ignore what they are saying till they finally give up and walk away.

A better approach would be to come in earlier so you can catch him/her before they start. This is good because they are in a more optimistic mind set(or not). Don’t offer the usual ‘Coffee or unhealthy meal’ excuse to meet. Try something like a healthy smoothie or a fat burning tea. This is because they are in the gym to get into shape. So if you offer an option that is in line with their end goal, it is a more interesting proposal. If you notice they like cardio workouts, then invite them to an event where you will have fun while working out. A good salesperson will always do background check on the lead, to give them an upper hand on how to steer the conversation in their advantage.

2. Be proud to share your interests 

Could be a shirt that has a message about something you love. I have a shirt that reads “I love Barcelona” When I wear it, I have guys walks up to me and start a conversation about the city. It’s a great conversation starter because when someone reads it, they get curious as to if I have actually been to Barcelona. It is very rare that someone will wear a shirt that has a message of them loving something they actually hate. When a guy finds out that I have been to Barcelona and I loved the city, the conversation will flow easily because I enjoy talking about it. If you love pets and can afford to keep one, getting a dog is a good idea. I know what you’re thinking, “Wangari, are you suggesting that we use pets to our advantage?” Well yes. I am suggesting exactly that.  You use whatever is at your disposal people!

Puppies are a huge babe magnet. Being spotted with a fury cute-eyed pet will attract them like slay queens are attracted to luxury cars. Just as long as you have real interest in the animal. It is easy to spot a poser. And those, are not attractive. Ladies, find a shirt that is related to sports or a video game you enjoy. Game of thrones is widely watched so if you can find a Game of thrones themed shirt, you’ll have a good conversation starter. A good sales person is passionate about his product and proudly wears it on his chest. Be a good salesperson.

3. Keep the conversation going 

You are now past the pleasantries and small talk. How do you keep your target interested? Open ended questions. Avoid questions that only require one word answers. Instead, ask something that will get them talking longer. You can share a funny story to get them laughing, then ask about an embarrassing situation they have been in. If you are at an event, ask them what made them decide to come. Once they elaborate, now you can relate by sharing a similar value.

Another great way to keep them interested is if you have a cool game that is engaging on your phone. Invite them to play it with you. Could be online or an app that you have on your phone. A good sales person is genuinely interested in his client’s needs and wants to help them with a suitable solution.

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4. Progress the lead 

In sales, there something we call progressing the lead. You have already established the client’s need and have been successful at matching it to your product. You will now ask for a meeting in an environment where you can discuss further. At this point, you have already decided whether you like the target enough to want to take the engagement further. If you are at an event where there is loud music playing or other people chatting around you, ask whether you can find somewhere comfortable to sit and talk more. Something that sounds like this “Hey, I really enjoy talking to you. I think you’re an interesting person. Want to find somewhere we can hear each other better?” This is a reasonable request and it shows you have leadership.

5. Follow up

You have been talking for a while and have been enjoying her company. Ask if she would like to meet for a date. You have to be clear with how you ask her out because this is how you could end up in the friend zone. Guys that excel at being friend zoned are often too nice or scared of putting themselves out there for possible rejection. So make it clear that you are interested. Let her know that by accepting your invite, she will be agreeing to take this further into a positive relationship. Make your intention known. As a guy, you do not want to be taking a chic out and spending coinage on her while she has no interest in you. You also want to avoid sounding arrogant or pushy. What you are aiming for is a confident aura. Use the three simple and non needy steps that are attractive both to men and women.

  1. Acknowledge the social situation
  2. Say something about them
  3. Invite them to something fun

You can try something like this ‘I know we just met today. And this may be a little premature, but I enjoyed the conversation we’ve had. You seem to be fun company. Would you like to meet up intentionally sometime?” This can be amended into whatever  you prefer, as long as you follow the three steps mentioned above.  When you do this, you are making it clear that want to see them because you are interested in them romantically. Your best shot at  a yes is by expressing yourself in a confident and non needy way. Lets keep you out of the devastating friend zone buddy.

A good sales person knows not to waste their time and resources on a non paying client. Keep your eyes on the price.

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Being a good flirt means you understand how the game works and how to use it. When researching on this topic, I came across an interesting formula given by Jean Smith. Jean is a social anthropologist based in the US, who studies flirting. She even refers to herself as a ‘flirtologist‘ Haha. As a way to share with the clueless mass on her findings on the science of flirting, she gives talks on principles that her clients have given positive reviews. A brilliant but simple formula that Jean Smith came up with is dubbed H.O.T A.P.E. While referring to this formula, she explains on how to identify when someone is flirting with you. If you are not very familiar with flirting, I encourage you to also use these next time when you’re flirting.

 

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H. Humor – Often when someone is flirting they will try and make the person they are interested in laugh. It may also means they like you, when you notice someone is laughing a bit too hard at your jokes. In your mind, even you know that you are not that funny. Bonus is if you can find a way to laugh at yourself. It is attractive when someone is so confident that they can joke about themselves in public.  Not everyone will get your humor though, and that’s okay. Most people get it wrong because they want to attract everybody. But you should only want to attract someone who is a good march for you. Someone who shares your sense of humor.

You must be a parking ticket, because you have fine written all over you!”

O. Open body language – I find this mostly with guys. They will spread out their body parts to show confidence and get your attention. Could be crossing their legs or stretching their arms outwards. Someone who is interested in you will often have their body facing you. This is because they are trying to establish a connection with you. Bonus is if they have their toes pointing in your direction. Otherwise, if they are pointed towards an exit, means they are planning an escape route! You may not realize it, but your body communicates even when you are not speaking!

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T. Touch – If they keep finding ways to touch you, they are probably digging you. I don’t mean the inappropriate kind though. It can be a light touch on your hand or shoulder. Touch has a positive physiological response. It’s a way to show that you want to feel connected to the person you fancy. So look out for this one, but be careful not cross the line and come off as inappropriate.

A. Attention – Might seem obvious that when someone is paying extra attention, they like you. Participant observation in anthropology can come in handy with this one. This simply means that you are participating in the conversation but not too engrossed in it that you are not observing the other person’s reactions. An example can be when both of you are laughing, you can lightly pat their hand and watch to see how they react. If they blush from your touch, they probably like you back.

P. Proximity – If you notice someone across the room then all of a sudden they are next to you, this is not a coincidence. It means they like what they see, and they want to explore further. Another example is when you’re having a conversation with someone, and you notice that they have moved closer to you than usual. Next time you are on a date, notice how your date leans in towards you… that’s a good sign because it means they like you and find you interesting.

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E. Eye contact – This one is important. when someone likes you, they will often try and hold your gaze. When you are close enough, you can even see their pupils dilate. If you spot this, it means they really like you!

 

Thank you for reading this far, I sincerely hope that this was educative and fun. Now that you have information only a chosen few know about, you can go out there and flex your flirt muscle. All the best!  I’d love to hear whether these tips worked after trying them out on your crush. Pop your experience down on comments section and keep the conversation going!

Don’t forget to share with that person you know needs to see this!

Sincerely,

DO,

Delightfully Unorthodox

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