1. The Child

Imagine yourself being at a supermarket doing some house shopping. You are strolling through the meat section and remember that you just ran out of sausages. As you reach out to pick the brand you are accustomed to, a branded sales lady (its almost always a female) extends her greetings. A clear indication that she is about to follow up with a sales pitch. You turn your gaze to her and respond politely to her greetings. Her shirt is boldly branded with a competitor brand to your preferred sausage manufacturer. The sales lady proceeds to introduce herself as Clarissa. You get distracted because the name reminds you of a reality tv character that shares the name. Now staring back at Clarissa, she seems rather young. Her name suggests she might have been born in early 2000s. “Jesus I am getting old!” a quiet panic in your mind. Your forehead is now creased with worry at the realization that you are on your way to becoming a fossil. (Well not really, but close enough hehe.) Clarissa quickly picks up on your face expression. She assumes you are getting impatient. “You will save two hundred shillings with our bundle offer!” she eagerly announces her closing line. “Well why did she not kick off the conversation with that!” You think, now smiling at the thought of saving a few bucks. Just when you are about to respond, you are interrupted with a loud shriek. Both you and Clarissa turn your gaze toward the direction of the clamor. It is a toddler being dragged by the mom towards the exit. You watch for a few more seconds before going about your business. It is normal to see a kid acting up. They are children. That is what they do. Their justification is their age and size.

But we have a set of grown up women that embody a child. Some characteristics are; they cause tantrums in public, demand to be bought for things and won’t take no for an answer and probably the most irritating one, never take responsibility for their actions by accepting mistakes and offering an honest apology.

Why it is best to stay away from a female that shows any of this child like characteristics, is you are trading your peace of mind for her affection my friend. We all have that one friend who has the dramatic girlfriend. Maybe you are that friend. It gets even worse once she’s had a few drinks! You wonder why he puts up with her annoying character. ‘Maybe it is the sex…must be’ you always conclude.

The key attribute that separates a mature human from a child, is the strong sense of accountability and responsibility. A willingness to accept responsibility for your actions and avoid the transfer of blame. I feel that this is one of the highest forms of adulthood. Having an adult life partner paves way for progression. In your career and in your relationship.

2. ‘The Miss Independent’

Being independent, is defined as being in a state of not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence. Or rather, being able to support oneself financially, especially for minimum level needs. These being, food, clothing and shelter.

But we have another breed of miss independent. They are well off, even drive flashy cars and dwell in the leafy suburbs. They also always sing the anthem – ‘I do not need a man!’

Women have been known to be resourceful for many centuries. My mom was one (God rest her soul) and her mother, a true leader. My grandfather called the shots, yes, but we all knew that his wife, my grandmother was the silent captain of the ship that was our family. The genius in strong and powerful women is that they have no need to step on men’s balls to elevate their sense of importance.

I have found myself in social gatherings where the miss independents have attended. Silently, I listen to their chatter about how men are good for nothing scoundrels (their words, not mine). But as the night progresses and a few rounds of drinks disappear down their throats, they soon become aggressive in their pursuit of a male companion. A contrast to their previous attitude of not needing a man.

You best stay away from these new breed of women because being married to one, will be the same as coming home to a fire breathing dragon. You see, as a man, your interpretation of love from a woman is respect. Especially in public. You can fight behind closed doors, but in public you are the alpha male in her eyes. A wise woman knows this fact. Even with the fat cheque she brings home every month… so fat that it makes yours seem like a sticky note! She still understands that to love you will mean that she respects you as a man. To land this point home, stay away from women that feel the need to step on your balls to elevate their sense of importance.

3. The Unambitious One

Ambition can be defined as the desire and determination to achieve success. Success means different things to different humans. But ultimately, it must involve a degree of progression. A woman, just like a child, always wants the better toy displayed at the top shelf. They are not literally like children, of course…that would make them obnoxious. Rather, it is the spirit that they have retained.

Imagine this; you are comfortably going about your daily life characterized by boredom and compromise. Until one day, you set your eyes on a marvelous creature. So marvelous that you gather the courage to cough out a nervous compliment. She smiles. Bingo! You’ll make beautiful babies and all your friends will be jealous.

Okay maybe not yet, but eventually. You part and go about your lives, until when she finally agrees to meet you for a first date. A new shirt to pair with your deo should do. Fast forward…weeks after, she walks into your idea of your home (your apartment). She is horrified by your living conditions but downplays it. With little to no natural lighting in most of the rooms and curtains so ugly they would make a warthog blush. This is what you settled for. In fact, have been proudly calling your home.

Before you know it, your living room now has flowers and a comfortable sofa to replace the old one. The ugly curtains were the first to go. You are not sure how it all happened, but one thing is for certain. You paid for it. Your account balance confirms it. She is the wakeup call you needed to envisage a better way of living. That is what women do. Make your life better.

The ones that do not, well what value do they add to your life? The answer is none. Ten years down the line, you will still have the same job and live in the same house. Zero progress. You might as well be dead. Get you a woman that desires progress, because she will make a king out of you.

Thank you for reading this far, I sincerely hope that this was educative and fun. If you have points that you feel should have made the list, pop them down below on the comments section and keep the conversation going…

Don’t forget to share with that one person you know needs to see this!



Delightfully Unorthodox

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